This week’s topic is inspired by the live unrecorded conversation held July 31, 2023 in the United Saints of Love clubhouse room. We never know what exactly will show itself during these talks, and all topics are welcomed in order to transmute the stinky shit of humanity into glitter fairy poo- practically ;)
This talk, among most all talks held in this sacred space, about porn leads to several key inquiries we can all contemplate this week as a way to continue expanding our collective unity consciousness and benefit our entire Beings.
As a mother of 5 sons, ages 26-9 currently, and a fellow sex curious Being as long as I can remember, I’ve dealt with porn many ways and have come to several conclusions I will share here.
DISCLAIMER
Although these insights were inspired by a group convo, as always, the following are all kolee Hemenway’s current thoughts and feeling regarding this topic- are subject to change at any time and always within the context of: be safe, be kind, be respectful, don’t hurt anyone or anything, if you make a mess- clean it up right away. kolee n krew, www.essentialmind.me, United Saints of Love, and all other affiliated organizations do not promote, condone, or accept sex trafficking, human trafficking, nonconsensual sexual acts, and or under-age sex/porn in way shape or form.
All this said, let’s get into the 5 reasons porn could be used beneficially in the expanded unity consciousness we are a part.
Pornography is defined in miriam-webster dictionary as - “depiction of erotic behavior (as in pictures or writing) intended to cause sexual excitement.” Traditionally porn is tied to media (therefore technology) however depictions of erotic behavior predate recorded media forms as expressed in ‘non-recorded open to observers’ as in sex parties, orgies, stripper joints, and other sexual expressions designed to get the ole sex imagination juices flowing.
In our talk, we touched on the pain of separation and lack of intimacy when using porn as the primary sexual experience, however since one of my missions on earth is to obliterate the shame, guilt, and blame cycles we’re gonna put a thoughtful spin on the use of porn and see if we can’t transcend the limited beliefs and judgments on one of the oldest and most powerful gates into the human psyche.
Here we go. If you don’t agree with some or all these points, please take some moments to ask yourself why. Ask yourself if you are truly interested in being at one with all the cosmos and if yes, how can these contemplations support loosening the grip of blame, shame, and guilt within our own lives and ripple out to relieve billions of other souls on planet earth today as well.
First, let me say I am grateful for porn industry professionals who dedicate their lives to exiting the misguided notion that sex is bad or taboo, or not healthy to talk about or give priority to. Professionals in any industry can be appreciated, even when we do not agree with the overall message, and I deeply appreciate sex workers in all capacities. Showing fresh unique sex moves, staying healthy and fit, and being brave while inspiring others to do something different is respectable- so thank you sex workers.
With the commonly accepted oldest porn around on film being
1896, we realize humans and porn go together like bread and butter- we like it- we like it a lot. If humans like it so much, why has porn been so demonized and harshly judged? I suspect it has to do with the rampant addiction to blame, shame, and guilt we love to roll around in as human adults.
Pornography is just like any other indulgence, it tastes good so we do it more, then we need more to get the same high, then we need to twist it to incorporate guilt and shame in order to really fill the addiction hole. It’s a process.
What if we just enjoyed porn for what it is and led healthy balanced lives which included sex, food, intimacy, community, contemplations, insights, and breakthroughs? Most humans cannot do this balanced life thing so well yet, so we get twisted results. However, if matured adults could openly view porn, get sexually stimulated, and carry this energy of creation into the other balanced parts of our lives- how much better off could the world be? I say we would all be much better off.
How much better would it be if when we’re curious to experience any act, we could “research” it and experience it through learning and observing instead of going ‘balls deep’ and doing the thing right away? We do research all the time before we dive into a project, why in the world is it different with sex? Seriously, lighten up people, ditch the shame and guilt, and have fun being a curious Being. Spice up your current sex life (alone or with others) by researching some stuff and seeing what gets us juiced up. It may be frightening if we get turned on by animals or relatives or same-sexed humans but at least we can accept our curiosity as normal and healthy instead of allowing the feelings to harbor shame and repression.
“We’re only as sick as our secrets,” the age-old alcoholic anonymous adage goes. When we can admit to ourselves we’re curious about anything, be it sexual in nature or otherwise, we instantly feel relief and gain clarity into the why of the interest. When interest is acknowledged openly, to ourself at least, it either goes away or we realize we want it in our lives longer. Either way, repression is kept at bay and we release shame, guilt, and blame and are empowered to check out different things and stay fresh and alive.
Similar to the first reason, after we’ve initially ‘done our research’ with awareness and harmlessness, porn can actually be therapeutic. There I said it, porn can be therapeutic. A host of therapies previously counted as harmful substances and practices have now been recognized worldwide as effective and legitimate tools. In this same vein, pornography can be used as a beneficial tool to really work it out with your self without involving other humans (i.e. feelings, emotions, reactions, and other egoic responses we’re likely to encounter when working with other humans).
This being said, I do not advocate we stay here forever. Using porn as a path to personal healing can only take us so far, as can other therapy modalities- eventually, we need to expand our boundaries and include other humans if we are to grow and become ‘unconsciously competent’ in any area of our lives.
The messiness of other human responses or judgments/opinions causes a lot of us anxiety and uncertainty, coupled with the already messy and sticky topic of sex equals inhibitions and super anxiety! All this does not add up to relaxation and contemplation or awareness as we delve into sexual intimacy, so using porn privately could be a great way to explore without fear of others' reactions.
Although creating this private sacred space to explore sex can be useful, it will not be so if what we are watching or reading is advocating nonconsensual harm. We cannot ‘do no harm’ while indulging in harmful porn. Harmful meaning nonconsensual causing harm to self, others, and our relationship with the divine/unseen ones. We cannot separate the humans who produce sex porn from the humans we know and love. If we get off watching someone get raped, yes this is better than going out and doing the rape ourselves, HOWEVER, in this piece, we are looking at consensual adult sex and the benefits of viewing sex acts created by consenting adult participants and not glorifying acts which have clearly caused harm to many people on earth. It’s ok to like pain, it is not okay to cause others to feel pain when they do not want it. The twisted sex view is only brought into existence in the first place because of all the repression and avoidance of sexual arousal and acts, so the point here is to let go of archaic beliefs built on conformity and control.
Maybe you like watching other people have sex but haven’t been comfortable enough yet to open up to real humans who enjoy you watching them, so you watch it on a porn video- boom- mission accomplished. We indulged our fantasy of watching without having the watched ones have sex in our physical presence. This is just a tool remember, so hopefully one can get comfortable privately and then if it feels beneficial to continue with, we can do so with other consenting adults and have some fun in bodies with others now that we’re more comfortable with our own desires and quirks.
In this current planet matrix, we are exposed to billions of beliefs, ideas, issues, and actions. It can be overwhelming to decipher between bullshit and benefit. If we are truly on a path of realization, one of the most potent and effective forms of harnessing and transmuting energies comes from sex magik. In real-time, with 2 or more adults present, emotions run high when sex is added into the mix which can inhibit introspective and mindful actions. This is where porn can also be beneficial to us at times.
When we are singularly focused on harnessing infinite sexual power, we really can create anything we desire. Instead of creating a baby with someone else, wouldn’t it be awesome cool to create dreams, initiatives, and solid structures through the act of sex? The problem is we’re not so experienced with this form of creation yet as a human species and we need to have some alone time to work on it before we bring its vast power of creation out into the world with other people. Enter porn. While I do not advocate using porn exclusively for the purpose of this point or any other point presented in this piece, it is a starting block and one I feel deserves recognition.
Sometimes we just feel down, instead of reaching for a sugary treat or an alcoholic beverage or even smoking a joint, consider rubbing one out instead. Do it with intention and awareness. Read articles, books, watch videos on tantric sex, sex magic, and any other energetic manifestation tool where sex and sex energies are used - then put it to practice with yourself first. If one needs a bit of support to get going from porn- by all means - use it. Let’s get this party started, shall we :)
I learned how to astrally project a few years ago, and using this same technique of breathing back and forth between our main energy centers of the body is the same basic technique used to harness sex power and ‘nut up the spine’ and can be used alone and with other conscious Beings, it isn’t rocket science yet it does require a degree of precision and attunement- so go easy and enjoy the ride. Connect with a sex positive professional at any point for extra support on this wholistic sensual journey.
Sex is a freeing and enjoyable experience when given the correct conditions, it’s time we take the power back and transmute it into something beautiful and beneficial. All this being said, like any other point, don’t get stuck here. Have the courage to engage with other consenting adult humans and see what you can create together.
Back in the day (and I mean today still in many circles) sex is defined as 2 adults, one male, the other female, and is used as a means of procreation- to make more humans and keep the species (and religions/governments) alive and well. Boooooooooooooooo. This definition sucks and needs to be most heroically redefined, which can only happen as we (personally) realize not only how sacred the act of sex actually is but how vast and diverse, and interesting sex can actually be!
When we engage with pornography at any level, chances are we will discover something we did not think of on our own before. I have for sure. I’ve also had the intense pleasure of 3 years of abstinence as a grown-ass adult woman to reflect on my true desires and refine my own tightly guarded opinions, judgments, and conditions- yes I used porn a couple of times but at one point a year or two ago I realized how sick and broken the mainstream porn feed actually was. It turned me off from using porn as a way to get excited for now and I started using my own imagination to do the trick exclusively.
Enter a real blood-born lover where, because I had set up an intentional space for me to break out of what I was trained to think versus how I actually felt, I attracted a beautiful, free, playful lover who is patient, kind, fun, and sexy too. Yes! We don’t have to use porn to break out of cultural conditioning, but we can, and when we use it with intention and awareness, it can be a really awesome experience designed to help free our minds and bodies safely and effectively.
Everything is okay when it’s done between consenting adults, it becomes fun and exciting when there is real depth and respect between all people involved. There is no shortcut, if you use porn as a way to just get off, you may stay in this hell state until you die. Sorry, no sugar coat here, although I am pointing out how porn can be used beneficially, if we don’t grow with it and branch out to real intimacy and honesty, we stay stuck and immature.
WE ARE NOT ALONE! You are not alone. I am not alone! We aren’t that fancy a species yet, we have basic desires and basic ways to get these desires met. Yes, we are imaginative and creative and artistic as human Beings- but seriously, we’re not that advanced as humans yet.
A commonly quotes bible verse goes something like, “There’s nothing new under the sun.”
What does this have to do with guilt, shame, and blame? Everything. If we can relate to another human, we can receive a bit of humanity. If we can realize one other person, yea, many others, have dealt or are dealing with what we too deal with - we can take a breath and relax a bit. We are not monsters, we are not sick, we are not disgusting or worthless. We are perfectly imperfect divine Beings in human bodies as living consciousness in form (with brains and hearts and guts and power).
What ego does is separate to obliterate. When our divine essence can get divided from our forms, we are already dead. This is what ‘being born again’ implies, it’s the re-birth of our divine essence connecting with our physical earth bodies! This is good news! I love how kolee preaches the gospel whilst advocating for porn- all is well people- all is well;)
Again, this advice or perspective isn’t meant for us in order to hang onto and rationalize our suffering away, it is to remind us how awesome and truly perfect we actually are so we can move on and shine brighter in more ways. We aren’t alone because if we can find it on the internet, at least one other person can relate, and after we feel relief that we aren’t the only one on earth going through what we are, we can also find evidence that others have also transcended the suffering we are going through as well.
See, once we get the validation that other people like what we like, we can also get validation that if it is hurting ourself or others, we can find the same freedom from the thing that others have found as well.
In summary, we can explore different sex paths and actually learn from what we see
as we harness the power of sex in our own Beings, it can lead to the realization we are all connected, and unity consciousness can expand in new ways as we mature sexually.
Porn can give confidence when we have the courage to explore sexually with other mature adult consenting Beings and tightly guarded judgments can dissolve more freely when we observe the grip of deep-seated/deep-conditioned mindsets evaporate through freedom of expression in sexual ways.
Thank you for sharing your time and energy with this potent and transformative wisdom here and now.
Just a tiny P.S. If we’re concerned about sex trafficked porn workers- let's be conscious consumers in all areas /markets cuz slavery/slave wages exist all over the globe and if you look around your house and friend’s homes and stores and shops and internet- you can see evidence of this horrific standard everywhere- enter minimalism/conscious consumerism. This is another topic for another day, but just to let you know I am very much aware of this issue and how it ties into porn and I deeply appreciate your contemplations on this subject as well :)
Byeeeee, see you around saints!
Love forever, kolee
Join the convo live next monday (every monday) 6p pacific usa time - it’s a phone app and we just talk, no pictures or camera shots so yayy come hang out and talk with us or just listen in :)
photo credit from the book Peniology by Kevin Moore and Andrea Aste
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