Greetings beautiful Beings. It is with a heavy heart that I write today. My 9 year old Buddha like son and I realized the baby book I had made for him for his birth day is gone. It was taken from us, against our will with 'twisted delight.'
I had moved to the borderlands of Missouri and Arkansas during the beginning of covid in May 2020. I had reduced my 4 bedroom half assed sloppily built track home in the “nice” part of Fayetteville, Arkansas to a 10x10 storage unit and purchased a 13x20 white canvas ‘wall tent’ to glamp in for the summer with a woman I met through the hebrew hillbilly cult I had been inducted into decades earlier and broken out of. She had told me she was working on an “Eco-village” and wanted me to help her get it up and running. From previous experience of being too eager too fast, I told her I would spend the summer there to see if I could be of service. (add 10-15-2022- pro tip and note to self- much too eager here too! must interview and vet lots before moving anything anywhere:)
When I got there, I quickly realized she was full of stinky shit and she was a shill. She had delusional plans of hosting several groups of would be back to the landers in search of refuge and hope. Instead, there were sharp rusty edges and human refuse littered about the barren hilltop upon which her dirty moldy and lice infested RV sat. She had broken from the cult as well yet in body not in mind. She had been a stripper since the age of 15 and against her inner convictions, continued that work bragging she could make $1500 a weekend by rolling and writhing in seductive ways in a yucky club in Poplar Bluff MO. (side note, I totally encourage women to do WHATEVER we can to make a living. I also totally encourage sovereign alignment to do what one wants, and like what one does while DOING NO HARM TO OTHERS, so don’t write in;)
Me, being a 'practicalsaint,' encouraged her to not feel shame or guilt but to “do what she liked and liked what she did.” I came into her disgusting camp looking for a safe place to house my 3 young boys in uncertain times (again add 10-15-2022 I DEFINITELY was not response able or appropriate here by not just traveling the 3 hours to vet the location first anyway- I got it- it was lame, seriously tho, this was a rough lesson)!
I thought because she had 3 young boys of her own and a pussy, she would be that safe haven I could regroup and solidify our next steps. What I found shook our family to the core and changed my view of women forever.
This piece is a recap of sorts of the beautiful interview the Practicalsaint Talks podcast hosted October 7, 2020 with the amazing woman
Aja Banks, author of The Republic of Cassowary. The book showcases a parallel world where women rule the roost and men were in subjection. No contact could be made between the two sexes, kept separate by walls and shock collars. Men are catalogued and brought out only to mate and work. The women had seen the atrocities created by men and vowed with valor never to forget and never to allow it to happen again. Streets were beautiful and pristine, no pollution from industry or vehicle. No animals harmed or slaughtered for blood food and no rape, violence or war. The women all used their talents and strengths for the good of the whole and economy thrived on a barter and value system. Heaven. Heaven for female, hell for male. Her book shows the flip side of our current reality and also seeks to find balance and harmony between all sentient Beings) be sure to
read it on amazon.com
and listen to our
original interview!
The passage that stands out most to me is where little girls could play at any hour safely and happily. As a young girl, I had to play behind my red doberman with floppy ears, Cybil, in the ghetto of Tracy California (where the word “cracker” was spray painted on my fence) then moving to the “safety” of the sierra nevada foothills where I was abused sexually by my redneck babysitter and her husband for years then later after we moved to the ozarks would be repeatedly trapped in various sick cycles in different forms. Rape, once violent but mostly my limp drunk body assaulted after bar hours by different men I went “willingly” home with. In other words, I had never known the freedom of just living an innocent and unharmed life, and to think of such a place was divine. I fought the injustices of my upbringing with religious fervor, bringing me to the Christian Jew camp where I spent another decade of my life in another form of subjection and assault because I am a woman. I had seen men as the enemy, but it's been all genders and all different ways. It's been me separating from myself and resenting parts of me.
Looking back, I had the hopes of reversing the damage and broken past with purity and holy intent. Spoiler alert, it hadn’t worked. I then tried to hook up with the opposite man, thinking maybe the hippy dippy land loving male would be better. It hadn’t. He still was a woman hater and couldn’t live in equality. After basically writing off men in general, I ran to women. THEY would know, they would help. They could see and they would heal. They didn’t. “They” is we and we are broken. Broken people cannot help. We harm. We harm others, and we harm ourselves, over and over again. Perpetuating a sick cycle that lives strong as ever today as I write in Fall of 2020. And now I get to completely heal the split selves from my past as I see quite plainly the pain of others.
After my divorce and breaking out of the jew cult, I had awakening. I realized deep inside a unity I had been seeking, yet it dawned without force and without plan. It came as I was ready. I was ready to heal, completely. I was ready to be one with the world that fucked me. I was ready to live in harmony with those I had fucked. Looking at ones self is hard. Gut wrenching and absolutely necessary work that one does in order to die and be reborn. I wasn’t a victim, but 100% response able and aware of the “I” and the me; the you and the they, the us. If you have followed me for any length of time you know I have gone through many initiations and rebirths, and like the phoenix I rose-again. I’ve worked with women my whole life, shining a light on the inner places that bring appreciation and wellness. I saw in stripper bitch a kolee Hemenway. I saw a broken woman beat down by men and victimized by her own shadows, a prisoner of her own past abuses. I saw the little bastards she called her sons and resolved to spend a season of my life being with her. I needed a place to live, she needed company. I had a queasy feeling the moment I drove onto the property, but I had committed and being ridiculously loyal, I stayed. I see this drama of course as my own design and the fact that we were a player in the show a reward and punishment enough. Looking back, these are some highlights.
At first it was okay, even though they burned their human poop in the community fire pit, along with ALL TRASH, like the ungodly amounts of plastic water bottles and wretched disposable eating ware and every low vibe food carton you could imagine, I stayed. I’m always on the slightly arrogant side and easily ruffled when provoked. You could say I’m a warrior, do no harm- take no shit. I endured this trial in order to up level. I needed to see the other side and embrace it in order to transmute it. I didn’t feel like her savior and refused to give blindly of my resources I so preciously hold dear. Instead, I actually had the grand delusions of inspiring her within my style and strength. I wanted her to see she didn't have to struggle to live, she didn’t need to feel bad for creating money to take care of herself and children, that she could change her story any time she desired. I wanted to offer the light of inner presence and offer hope to a dead family. We were indeed a light, however I was blind. I had no idea she was literally a shell of a woman with the thirst for blood, the blood of a true hold vessel that her very real demons told her to take. I was in hell. I had willingly and hopefully stepped into a trap. Even before she eventually confided in me that she had been physically possessed by maleficent Beings (like “exorcist shit”) earlier in her life and that “Jesus Christ was my savior” I had seen her vicious reaction when confronted with the mirror of her existence. I brazenly told her she was NOT leading an eco village and I was not sticking around to see how it shaped up.
Again, I AM NOT A VICTIM but a willing response able human. I stepped unknowingly into a drama that has forever shaped my children’s and my view. I didn’t know there was no water available on the land, I didn’t know she was in an ongoing battle with her mother and step father down the road (where she got water, showered and used electricity), I didn’t know she had literally no money (except the stuff she took from others and the government and not only would not pay taxes on the money she made, she would steal from taxpayers in the form of free food and medical care) and used whomever she could in order to survive. I did not know that everything she wanted to achieve she had absolutely no real way of creating. And I certainly didn’t know that she was in alignment with evil entities that sought to take me out.
I continued my spiritual practices and held tightly to my guides (both physical and ethereal) whilst there, in hillbilly hell. The breaking point came several times when her 3D self realized I had her number and could see right through her (side note, please be aware shining light on prehistoric ego is kinda dangerous). Even before she openly treated us with contempt I had openly let her know we were not staying. Keep in mind this is all happening right smack in the midst of Corona virus, Covid-19 2020. My uncertain circumstances mirrored exactly what the rest of us have been seeing as well, albeit in probably more intense scene (hey Ima writer, life is big so I can have material hahah). Once we openly were hostile to each other, I miraculously manifested a home to purchase through owner financing and began packing. Full circle, you can read about how that perfect harmonious story has unfolded in the book I’m writing currently :)
The home I bought had been left alone for a year, like a scene from the badly acted Kirk Cameron movie, Left behind; cheese still in the marble glass topped holder. We had a solid month of clean out, clean up and remodel work that needed to be done before moving in. Enter our current trauma and main storyline here. That crazy bitch actually stole our stuff! Over $10,000 worth of equipment and sentimentals. Can you fucking believe it?! Of course you can, YOU have the hindsight of what I’ve been working on the past 6 months.
At first she claimed on her facebook page, “The wealth of the wicked shall be laid up at the feet of the just.” (that’s not even how the scripture reads, but whatever) then she claimed I abandoned it. Anyway, in her twisted egoic view, I was the evil one because I chant the Adi Shakti, read Tarot cards, speak with spirit guides and told her to “shut the fuck up” whilst she claims christianity, strips, steals and lies and had a convoluted date she worked out for me to have my stuff “out by”.
Anyway, I got rid of all the extra stuff I had lugged up there that I had been lugging around house to house since 2014, I packed our minimalist camp compound into dollar general crates and stacked them lovingly on pallets to safely collect when I had a house. I worked for a month straight letting her know when I could come get everything and when we finally got our new place cleaned out and got it ready to go do the task of closing that wicked chapter, it was GONE. GONE GONE GONE! She had cleaned out the entire camp, using my very own 4x12 trailer to steal my own stuff! She fled to West Plains with her 25 year old boy toy/money and moved with not a word, except on FB where she continues to blab her bullshit. I filed a report with the Howell County sheriff who dicked around 2 weeks when I was told it was a civil case and not criminal. Hmm, ok. The few lawyers I actually tried to talk to to see about opening a case don’t wanna touch the thing so here we are this morning, realizing the precious photo album I made 9 years ago during the birth of my 4th son AND his photo box of when he was 8 days old was gone now.
See, it’s not the stuff our family has been sad about. It’s the irreplaceables she stole out of spite. The family heirlooms I retardedly lugged about for comfort I suppose. My fathers, yea my grandfathers guns! She fucking took my James Bond Walther PPK for god’s sake! Stinky bitch. My father's pocket tee quilt I made after he passed 2010, my shofar from Israel, my 1,000s of dollars worth of books I’ve collected my 24 years of motherhood, my own favorite and cherished books including the “Seven Sacred Seals” book (ya, great move Nicks…) the quilt my mother and children made me for my 41st birthday right after I got back from Czech Republic, our list of totem animal guides that chose us, my stones, crystals and shells from adventures around the world; stuff like that as well as brand new equipment like a $1200 1800 watt pure sine wave solar system, $2000 MAC, $700 6 person tent, $200 weed eater and blower, and $400 cooler (there’s more, these are just a few of the highlights).
She took it all, when she could have just left it. She could have just packed her own things up and left the property, but she didn’t. My ex husband tried to take my stuff, my ex finance tried to take my stuff, both of which I blocked with vehemence because they had dicks, yet this soft pussy lured me right into her stinky gross trap and robbed me blind.
Soooo there you go, the saga of kolee the practicalsaint continues. I want to make sure you see that my boys and I are always Divinely protected and cared for though. I don’t want to evoke the energy of sympathy or sadness or anger, but of light and inspiration. #1, the home we manifested was COMPLETELY furnished (before we knew we wouldn't have our household stuff anymore) #2 it’s not the stuff that matters, it’s the life force we embody and the lives of our loved ones and #3 memories aren't in the stuff, they live with us. Our loved ones are with us no matter if their body or their stuff is with us and the living is what we actually DO have all the time. #4 Our actions are our memories, so make em happy ones, or at least not harmful ones!
Our life is fucking fabulous and we’ll always come out on top. And of course, the theme of this piece, women hurt other women too. Human Beings are transforming and the long prophesied and recurring shift is now. Gender separation turns into intention separation and the words, “depart from me, I never knew you” are music to my ears as I turn and look at mother fuckers who seek to harm fall away-- fade out and dematerialize before our very eyes. Thank you for reading about our life, we love you eternally Namaste dear ones!!!!!!!! Read more
www.essentialmind.me
and be sure to catch alll the
Practicalsaint Talks podcasts
on your favorite platforms or directly on
buzzsprout.com!
Catch the next episode, recording tomorrow on REAL sustainable living and eco villages of the future.
Legal shiz- author given permission and rights to photo and blog about the happenings at "perfectly imperfect eco village" and is a true account of what really happened. All on the record via Howell county Missouri sheriff dept, video recordings and texts. peace peace- I'm begging you :)